Jinx Is A Moron

This is Jinx:

Isn't he a cutie?

He's like a penguin in two ways.
1. He's always dressed for a ball as he's a Tuxedo Cat.
2. He waddles

However, unlike a penguin, Jinx is an idiot.  Here's the top 6 reasons why.

1. Jinx does not know how doors work.


The other day I let Jinx into my room while I was "doing my homework" (or for those of you who know me, playing flash games.)  Then it got cold, so I got up and shut my door.  However, my door is broken and doesn't close all the way too easily, so I left it about an inch open.  Later on in the night Jinx decided that he needed to go do one of the many important things that cats do such as eating, shitting, and sleeping somewhere else.

He jumped off my bed and walked over to the door, and then he was stumped.  You see, Jinx doesn't know how to work doors. Even when those doors are ajar by more than enough room for a kitty paw.  But he didn't think to use his paw, instead he headbutted the door, twice.  All this managed to do was close it more, so he decided the next best thing was to glare at the door for about five minutes.  After that was unsuccessful, he was out of ideas.  So he sat there next to my door that was still open enough to get out of, looking like the most pathetic little kitty ever.

Then he meowed.  This loud, pitiful, whiny meow until I got up and opened the door for him.  He did the same thing when he wanted to come back in.

2.  Jinx LICKS things for no apparent reason


About a week ago I was sitting in bed, talking to Goose on Skype and I hear this raspy noise next to me.  I look over and Jinx is cleaning himself.  I don't think anything of it since that cat is cleaning himself 24/7 and go back to my conversation.  However, about 10 minutes later I notice that there's a dark spot on my sheet. This is when I realize that the cat has actually been licking my sheets for the past 10 minutes and not himself.

It was one thing when he licked the bunnies, or us, but a sheet?  And for 10 minutes?

Oh, and while writing this, JUST while writing this, he's licked my laptop, my sweatshirt, Goose's glasses, my backpack and my wall.

3. Jinx attacks the stairs for no reason


Sometimes when I'm walking downstairs in the middle of the night I get the nice surprise of almost breaking my neck.  You see, one of Jinx's favorite activities is to start at the beginning of the stairs and flop over onto them.  Then when he starts to fall he hooks his claws into them and attacks the shit out of them.

He's actually a lot more aggressive about it than this cat

When he does this, his white belly is against the stair, and I cant see it.  The rest of him (except his paws) is black, so he's a fucking invisible ninja cat.  This means I accidentally step on him, he attacks my foot, and I fall down the stairs.

I dunno how to draw so here's an accidental crotch shot as I fall down the stairs

The only time the cat doesn't make me fall down the stairs with his antics is when he doesn't get a good grip with his claws and HE falls down the stairs.

4. Tries to eat things he cant

This one doesn't sound as bad until you realize that one of the things he tries to eat is the carpet.  We don't even have one of those carpets where the fibers come out, it's all little loops, and it's been around for since the late 80s, so it's pretty flat.  He has to rip it out of its packed form caused by 20 years of feet walking over it and then try to hook his teeth into it.  Once he does that, he rips at it until it tents up from whatever floor is underneath it.  Then he attacks it.

This is my future.

The other day I also saw him doing something he does pretty frequently.  He picks a random item, and bats it around on the floor because he gets bored, and I'm pretty sure he compensates by doing kitty crack and then thinks that fuzz balls on the floor are tiny monsters.  Anyway, he was batting around a piece of balled up notebook paper, and I didn't think much of it until he ripped off a piece with his teeth and tried to swallow it.  He then proceeded to choke because cats aren't supposed to eat paper.

"WHY CANT I EAT THIS?"

I had to take the paper away from him and give him his feathery cat toy.  Then he tried to eat, and choked on, that too.

5. Jinx thinks everyone is his best friend


I cant be upset about this one, I mean his judgment might be flawed in thinking that the bunnies and the dog love him as much as he thinks, but it keeps him happy.  So I let him live in his fantasy world and just mock him from afar.

Now the bunnies live in a converted dog kennel on a table in the sunroom, so their cage is more than big enough to house visitors, hell, I've even crawled in there once or twice when I got bored.  Because of this, other animals sometimes get put in there, like when we're bringing things inside and we need to lock the cats up so they don't run out into the street.

The other day we did just that.  We put Peanut and Jinx into the bunny cage and told them to play nice while we brought in the groceries.  Once we were done, we went to let them out.  Peanut had the response any cat would, he jumped out, glared at us, and walked away with his tail high in the air, offended.  Jinx, however, isn't a normal cat.  He looked at us questioning why we opened the door and continued to sit in there with the bunnies, happy as ever.  Then he tried to clean them, and they got pissed, and headbutted him, and we made him leave. Then he jumped up on the table next to the cage and just looked at them really sad.

BUT I LOVE THEM

After he got kicked out of the bunny cage, he decided to go hang out with his other best friend, the dog.

Which might not make sense, but it's adorable, so I don't care

6. Jinx meows LOUDLY when he's bored

When Jinx is bored of batting around and eating various objects, he sits in the middle of a room and yells until someone goes and entertains him.  If that doesn't work, he walks around the house yelling his head off.

Translation: PET ME I WANT HEAD SCRATCHES I'M BORED

Then you give him head scratches and pay attention to him and it's adorable.

But the second you stop he gets pissed and glares at you.  You can try to throw something at him to get him to leave you alone, but then he just ends up eating it and we all know what happens then...

This is why we cant have nice things.