Who Needs Bush? Me, Just So I Can Call It This.

So today I've decided to blog about the different names for women's pubic hair.  It correlates to the last post about women shaving their legs and me wondering how they shave their downstairs.  Or lady parts.  Or pubes, the only things I had ever called it.  Until I saw a different blog post about the "30 Unapproved Names For A Woman's Bush."  I decided that I liked a few of these, and I'm gonna take those and say why here.


Fur Pie:  First off, who doesn't like pie?  Idiots.  Idiots hate pie. Because they're stupid.  So why not name your crotch jungle after a pie? Plus it would make people want to eat it more, and isn't that the goal?  And if a kid hears you say it in conversation, they just think this:

Vagina Sweater:  A sweater is something that, when washed the wrong way, is an itchy thing.  And it keeps you warm.  Sound familiar ladies? It's perfect.  And if said kid from before doesn't know what a vagina is, all they think is:  

Magic Carpet:  People are NOT going to stop saying "Does the carpet match the drapes? LOOOL" so we might as well use carpet.  And frankly, I'd rather mine be magic than stained with koolaid, paint, glitter glue, and other mysterious substances like the one I own.  What little kids will think:

Stripper Stripe:  Lets be honest, if you have a landing strip, you look a little too concerned about your "hair down there" as a kids book on puberty once called it.  Who's going to see it?  Oh right, everyone.  STRIPPER.  Now depending on how fucked up said kid is, he'll either get it, or think you said "striper."  Which I've decided is someone who paints stripes on jail uniforms in old timey cartoons.

I bet she has a stripper stripe.

Trouble Triangle:  That little triangle CAN get you into a LOT of trouble, such as an unplanned pregnancy that doesn't land you on MTV.  And all the kid will think is a triangle robbed a bank.

Potty Otter:  It's ADORABLE and it's IS where you pee from....kindaishwhatever.  Either way, imagine an otter sitting on a toilet.  Its squeetastic.  Here's my best attempt:

Vagitation:  This is just pure win.  It's a pun, it's about how they "let it grow wild" down there, there is no way it doesn't win.  AND it sounds too complex for that kid to understand.

Yes, I Googled that shit.  I'm just that hardcore.

Nose Cozy: That is EXACTLY what a good bush should be.  A place he keeps his nose warm.  LOL 69.  (Mom, if you're reading this, sorry for all the oral sex jokes, I cant help it, you know how I love to LOL at 69)  Also, it just sounds like something your grandma would knit.

Hairkini:  This is just calling it like it is.  Pubes are a bikini of hair.  And again, kids get to be innocent:

And finally, the best of them all, the best for last.  I give you, PUSSTACHE!!!

Pusstache:  This is by far the best thing ever.  Or at least one of them.  Who doesn't love a big handlebar?  And pussy is only a cat as far as small child is concerned.  So they just get an amazingly shit-your-pants-awesome vision of this: