Do you guys remember being a kid? Remember how any time your parents got a package, it came with bubble wrap? DO YOU REMEMBER HOW MUCH FUN IT WAS TO POP THAT BUBBLE WRAP?? You could have hours of fun making sure that every single bubble was DEAD. Then you could look at the catalog they mailed with the package and pull off the cards and play with the sticky glue stuff that held them on. Remember that? The stuff that looked so much like boogers that it’s called “Snot glue” in the industry. Then your (maybe just my) dad would pretend to sneeze and have a handful of the glue. THAT WAS FUN. And then you would play in the box because you are part cat.
They ruined all of that.
They ruined all of that.
My mom got a package in the mail the other day. Once she had what she needed out of it, I stole the bubble wrap, surprised she hadn’t popped it already. You know what I found? Bubble wrap that doesn’t pop.
See how each bubble is connected to the next one? That makes it impossible to pop. That makes it the devil. (I used to have my own picture, but the great picture fuck up ruined that)
I was not okay with this. I grabbed a scissor, and as tears streamed down my face, I mutilated this abomination beyond recognition as a packing product.
A dramatic representation
Then later I found some bubble wrap that will fucking pop. I was happy, thinking this would be a happy time for all in which I would pop bubbles instead of being mad that I cant pop bubbles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1rMLK5Aov4&feature=player_detailpage#t=600s (That's a link to a video because blogger is a douche nugget and wont let me embed youtube videos. Still, worth a click. It adds to the story.)
So I grabbed it and started popping. Then I realized that these bubbles made NO NOISE. They were too tiny. The packing industry was taunting me. It gave me good old bubble wrap, but without the pop. I was furious.
“Well” I thought “If I don’t have bubble wrap, at least I have the snot glue, right?” I went to get the Target catalog I saw on the table. I peeled off the gift card, and do you know what I found? They'd replaced snot glue with some shiny shit that was all flat and not even sticky. And you couldn't even peel it off.
At this point I was pissed. “At least the children of tomorrow have boxes to play in.” Then I realized that they have “boxes of every size” at the post office and unless your parents buy a microwave, you’re stuck with a tiny box.
Yet we still have packing peanuts, which kids choke on…
So I ask you this: Why does the packing industry hate children?
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