Fuck Shaving, Bigfoot Doesn't Shave And He's AWESOME.

DISCLAIMER: This post is about shaving.  If you're a pussy and are grossed out by the SCIENTIFIC FACT that women NATURALLY have hair on their legs, leave and go look at some celebrity blogs.  It'll all be okay, I promise.  Their boobs were always like that!

I hate shaving my legs.  And I almost always have.  At one point in time, I was stupid.  I was young.  I was stupid.  I saw one of those leg shaving ads on TV and thought "Hey, that girl looks like she is having fun. Sexy fun. Damn.  I need to get me a razor."

So I stole one of my moms and shaved my thighs while sitting on top of the toilet like a badass.  Except no one told me that razors are SHARP and I tried to clean it out with my fingers. MISTAKE.  I also was shaving with no water or soap of any kind. ALSO MISTAKE.

I HAVE LADY FINGERS!!!

Once I found out that shaving sucks major ass, I decided I needed entertainment while I shaved.  I didn't yet have a laptop OR an Mp3 player, so music wasn't going to happen.  My thoughts went like this: "I have finally figured out how to shave to the point that it's BORING.  I'm good at this shit now.  FUCK YEAH I'M A CHAMPION"  So I decided I didn't need to pay attention while shaving like other people because I was simply more awesome.  So I brought a book.  This was also a mistake.  While shaving and reading, one of the characters died.  I was sad and gasped.  I sliced my leg open.

And no, I don't have elephantiasis.  Stop asking.

So shaving is already not my favorite thing.  Now it takes me FOREVER to shave, for reasons we'll get into later, and I use a razor up every time.  So mom's been hiding the razors.  So I haven't shaved in two and a half months.  Which I know is "gross" blah blah blah, but humans were BORN with the hair there so it's  kinda supposed to be there.  Anyway, this is almost exactly what my legs looked like:

Which I personally don't think is that bad.  But apparently other people do.  They think it's disgusting.  They think it looks like this:

But in leg form.  So I gave in and shaved since people kept bitching about it.  (Pretty much everyone BUT Goose)

It usually takes me about 30 minutes to shave.  Mom thought that that was ridiculous since it only takes her like 5 minutes.  So she decided to shave them for me.  Two profusely bleeding cuts, a clogged razor, and 5 missed spots later she left.  And I was stuck with most of my hair and also this:

That's not a birthmark.  I just bleed a lot.  

So then I got to shave my way.  Which means dealing with the fact that my razor clogs up after every stroke and that I need to go over things twice before the hair is gone and then still have a lot left over because apparently thick hair on your head has a direct correlation to thick hair on your legs.  Lovely.

So at some point during shaving I just decide to say screw it with rinsing the razor and wipe that thing on a fucking wash cloth.  I know that's bad for it, but fuck what's bad for it.  I'm pissed by then.

Then when I dry my legs?  I see like 18 spots I STILL managed to miss.  So I think that my legs just REALLY hate being shaved.  But when all is said and done, they DO look pretty...much the same.  Yay.

But I think I'm done.

If Goose can live with them hairy, and I can live with them hairy, fuck everyone else.  Next time I get someone bitching, I'll tell them to stop looking at my legs in the first place and stick their nose into their own damn business.  I was told to shave by LESBIANS.  WTF LESBIANS.  I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL.  I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.

All this brings up a question.  How do women shave their lady parts?

(More on different names for lady parts tomorrow)