Erin, if you're reading this, stop now.

I love Erin. She is one of my best friends. But her birthday parties always end with me in pain.  I say always even though I've only been to three of them. But whatever. I digress.

When Erin turned 13, we all went to Bunker Bay.  I almost died.

There's a lot of big slides at Bunker Bay, and a wave pool, and some other things too.  Now some of the big slides require inner tubes.  So does the wave pool.  But Bunker Bay is horrible at being good to customers.  You have to rent an inner tube for the wave pool but couldn't use it on the slides.  Which meant that someone got stuck watching the inner tubes while the rest of you went down the slide.  Erin's mom, being nice, took that job.

However, after about 20 minutes of us going down slides she got bored and returned the inner tubes, figuring we were done with the wave pool for the day.  We were not.  So we had to go into the wave pool with no inner tubes.

Now traversing a wave pool with no inner tubes is hard enough as it is.  It's a lot harder when everyone else has inner tubes that keep you from surfacing and also from being able to hold onto the walls or have enough room to successfully tread water.

This resulted in us almost drowning.

At least I got saved by a hot lifeguard.

Like that, only not David Hasselhoff, and with less body hair.

Us before:

Us after:

When Erin turned 14 we went to the Water Park of America.  This one was pretty uneventful...I guess.  

EXCEPT THAT WE WENT DOWN THE TEN FUCKING STORY SLIDE AND I ALMOST SHIT THE SLIDE.  I was not scared, shut up.  Also, when you go down a crap ton of slides, your ass hurts.  A lot. But not as much as it hurts today.

Today's party ended with me in the most pain her parties have ever caused me.  I got THE WORST sunburn I have ever gotten.

My ass is this color:

AND IT HURTS.  Do you know how SUCKY it is to have sunburn on your ass, back, and face? There are no comfortable positions to be in.  None.  Also I got attacked by biting vampire flies.

So overall, I love Erin, but my ass hurts.  And that isn't fun except in certain circumstances. 

However the St. Croix river is BEAUTIFUL.

It was this beach but with lots of people on it.

And I guess I never really thought of a way to end this, but I can tell you that the next post is going to be about Goose being stupid and trolling while "trying" to be romantic.  So stay tuned!

PS There's a huge storm by my house I hope I don't die.