Goose's A Romance Troll and I Shouldn't Take Sleeping Pills

Today I had promised to write about Goose failing/trolling while trying to be romantic.  And I still will, because I want to keep my promises to you guys.  However, I'm also writing about something that happened not ten minutes ago because it's better.  Let's knock the romance thing out of the way first.

Goose found a slow version of "Baby Got Back" by Jonathon Coulton and tried to serenade me with it.
Here's the song:

                           

A friend of mine, Sid, was apparently very proud of Goose.  Here's the conversation we had:


Scamp: Goose's stupid
Sid: Why
Scamp: He is singing a slow version of "Baby Got Back" apparently trying to be romantic.  He said something about sprung, shaking it, and silicone.
Sid: MAKE HIM FIVE MY HIGH
Scamp: ...I did but I didn't enjoy it.
Scamp: ....he just gazed into my eyes and said he was down to get the friction on. wtf
Sid: ....nice one goose. nice one
Scamp: Now he's gently singing "baaaaabyyyy got baaaack"
Sid: This is how I'm gonna talk to my next girlfriend

So some people were impressed with his display of emotion, but not I.  Not I.

Now to the better story!  (Maybe I'm biased since I'm getting cake but whatever)

So here's what happened when I woke up:

Goose: You talked in your sleep for like half an hour.
Me: About what?
Goose: You asked for 12 layer cake and frosting.
Me: Where are mom and dad?
Goose: The store
Me: ARE THEY BUYING IT?
Goose:....*faceplam*
Me: THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Goose: NO THEY AREN'T BUYING YOU A 12 LAYER CAKE
Me: I NEED TO CALL THEM.

So you realize the gravity of this situation, here's a 12 layer cake.

So I ran downstairs in my still 40% asleep state and called my dad.

Me: DAD!?
Dad: ...yes?

Me: (hyperspeed) ARE YOU BUYING THAT CAKE CAUSE I REALLY WANT THAT CAKE IT DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE 12 LAYERS OR SIMPSONS CHARACTERS ON THE BOX LIKE THE 12 WE HAD IN THE FRIDGE IN MY DREAM IT COULD POSSIBLY BE CHEESE OR ICE-CREAM TOO.  IT DOESN'T REALLY NEED 12 LAYERS.

Dad: *sigh* Sure.  We're buying a cake.

So I don't know if he was serious or just pacifying me, but he better be serious because that is not something you joke about.

So here I am, writing a blog post while I await my cakey dreams to come true.  And THIS is why I don't take sleeping pills on a regular basis anymore.

Oh, and I totally sleep in my badass footie pajamas (but not really cause I move too much while I sleep and choke myself, I just wanted to brag about my footie pajamas)

PS: I'll update later about whether or not I got that cake.  And I'm sad I had to say this because now the post doesn't really end in footie pajamas.

UPDATE: I gotta cake! It's Angel Food and mom's gonna make strawberry topping.  

Erin, if you're reading this, stop now.

I love Erin. She is one of my best friends. But her birthday parties always end with me in pain.  I say always even though I've only been to three of them. But whatever. I digress.

When Erin turned 13, we all went to Bunker Bay.  I almost died.

There's a lot of big slides at Bunker Bay, and a wave pool, and some other things too.  Now some of the big slides require inner tubes.  So does the wave pool.  But Bunker Bay is horrible at being good to customers.  You have to rent an inner tube for the wave pool but couldn't use it on the slides.  Which meant that someone got stuck watching the inner tubes while the rest of you went down the slide.  Erin's mom, being nice, took that job.

However, after about 20 minutes of us going down slides she got bored and returned the inner tubes, figuring we were done with the wave pool for the day.  We were not.  So we had to go into the wave pool with no inner tubes.

Now traversing a wave pool with no inner tubes is hard enough as it is.  It's a lot harder when everyone else has inner tubes that keep you from surfacing and also from being able to hold onto the walls or have enough room to successfully tread water.

This resulted in us almost drowning.

At least I got saved by a hot lifeguard.

Like that, only not David Hasselhoff, and with less body hair.

Us before:

Us after:

When Erin turned 14 we went to the Water Park of America.  This one was pretty uneventful...I guess.  

EXCEPT THAT WE WENT DOWN THE TEN FUCKING STORY SLIDE AND I ALMOST SHIT THE SLIDE.  I was not scared, shut up.  Also, when you go down a crap ton of slides, your ass hurts.  A lot. But not as much as it hurts today.

Today's party ended with me in the most pain her parties have ever caused me.  I got THE WORST sunburn I have ever gotten.

My ass is this color:

AND IT HURTS.  Do you know how SUCKY it is to have sunburn on your ass, back, and face? There are no comfortable positions to be in.  None.  Also I got attacked by biting vampire flies.

So overall, I love Erin, but my ass hurts.  And that isn't fun except in certain circumstances. 

However the St. Croix river is BEAUTIFUL.

It was this beach but with lots of people on it.

And I guess I never really thought of a way to end this, but I can tell you that the next post is going to be about Goose being stupid and trolling while "trying" to be romantic.  So stay tuned!

PS There's a huge storm by my house I hope I don't die.

Sometimes I'm So Adorable I Make Myself Puke

A couple days ago, I was caught up in couple land.  Looking back on it, I make myself gag.

Goose and I were engrossed in a conversation.  Though I'm not sure that's what you can technically call it.  It went a little something like this:

Me: Gaooose!
Goose: Scaaaaamp!
Me: Goooose!
Goose: Scaaaamp!
Me: Goose *giggles*
Goose: Scamp *laughs*

I hate to admit it, but this went on longer than I am proud of.  At one point, my brother, who I'd forgotten was in the next room, got annoyed.

Brother: Are you two just going to have conversations consisting of "Goose" and "Scamp" for the next two hours?

At which point I decided to ask Goose if we were pathetic.

Me: Goose?
Goose: SCAMP!!!!!

And then it got started all over again.  My brother meanwhile heaved a big sigh of "Jesus shit I'm related to her" and went back to his games.  After this:

And I reassessed whether or not I'm a pathetic person whose day to day conversations consist of two different words stretched out to the point that they sound like pregnant dogs howling.  (Like Molly if she was preggers.)  The conclusion was not good.

My Dog Has Abandonment Issues

I have a dog. Her name is Molly and she looks like this:

Now Molly is exceedingly stupid.  I'm not saying this to be mean, I love her and I would never be mean to her.  She just is.  It took us about two and a half years to teach her who we were.  But once she learned she decided she loved us more than anything else ever in the existence of ever.

So whenever she wakes up in a room alone (which is often since she sleeps all day) she howls until one of us either yells at her loud enough to convince her we're alive, or physically go to where she is and pet her.  If you're on the other end of the room, or even the couch, and she wakes up and cant immediately see you, she will howl until she can.

This can be problematic.

Today I was in my room, trying to organize my drawers.  The dog decided the best place to sit would be right next to me on the new carpet I bought literally yesterday.  The plush one that cant be washed, is a light blue, and cost me about $70.  So I decided that no she was not going to sit there.

Turns out, she was.  So I had to get a towel and put it on the rug just so she would relax.  Because being more than two feet away from someone makes her tiny dog brain almost explode with confusion and temporary sadness.

So when I had to pee about 15 minutes later, I got up as quiet as I could and walked the ten feet down the hall to the bathroom.  This was when my dog decided to wake up.

HOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWL!!!!


Me: "MOLLY STOPPIT I'M ALIVE IT'S OKAY!!"
Molly: HOOOOOOOWWWWWWL!!!
Me: "MOLLY! SHUT UP I'M HERE!"
Molly: HOOOOOWWWWWL!!!!
Me: "MOLLY I AM PEEING NO AMOUNT OF PITIFUL WHINING IS GOING TO MAKE ME PEE FASTER."

Apparently it was.  Because she wouldn't stop.  Even when I was standing there in my doorway, hands dripping, she didn't feel the need to stop howling, while looking directly at me.  So I did the only thing I could.